Dear Older Self, Codependency is a term that was originally coined to describe the dynamics that can play out in the lives of people who are in relationship with an addict or an alcoholic. Spouses, children, siblings and parents often think that they are responsible to control or change their addicted loved-one. This belief can, unfortunately, lead to increased suffering and destruction in … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Entrust Others to God’s Care

Dear Older Self, Author and blogger, Glennon Doyle Melton coined a word to capture the experience of life. She calls life “brutiful”. It is brutal. And it is beautiful. So, life is brutiful. Life is never just one or the other. There is so much that is hard about life. And so much that is blessed. For some of us it is too easy to get lost in the parts of life that are difficult. It is easy to … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Practice Gratitude

Dear Older Self, One of life’s great lessons is that much of life is not in your control. It has been critical to your spiritual and mental health and to the well being of your relationships to keep returning to the simple truth that you are not in charge of the universe or of other people. You are not in charge of much of anything. As you continue to age, you will be living more than ever with … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Entrust Yourself to God’s Care

Dear Older Self, Dear Older Self, We have been exploring the possibility that the most difficult anxiety of all may be the fear of being abandoned by others and by God. You may find yourself feeling like you have been forgotten even by God. These fears of abandonment may come from the thought that that as you decline in strength that you will also decline in value. This fear may be one of the … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Meditate on God’s Presence with You

Dear Older Self, On September 11, 2001 after the twin towers had fallen and the pentagon had taken a direct hit you listened to an interview on the evening news with Mr. Rogers. The question that was put to him was this: “When terrible, scary things happen, what do we tell our children?” Mr. Rogers’ response was, “We should ask our children if they noticed all the helpers. “ Often when we find … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Remember God’s Help in the Past

Dear Older Self, Remember the time you stood at the kitchen counter, grinding coffee beans as your mind whirled with the grinder? You were managing the care of an elderly widow and her needs were in a rapid state of change. Your mind was spinning, trying to anticipate what to do, when to do it, how to find the resources. But your mind came up blank. And the coffee turned out weak and … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Write Fear Inventory

Dear Older Self, When you were a young adult you did not know how to receive. Instead of paying attention to your needs, you hid behind a life of constant giving. Staying busy helping others protected you from the vulnerability that comes with exposed needs. Giving to others was a way of guarding against disappointment, hurt and shame. Fortunately you have learned a lot about receiving over the … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Learn to Receive

Dear Older Self, You have been a doer. You have been a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a helping professional. Doing has been a big part of your identity. And, more specifically, it has been a big part of your identity to do for others. The many needs and tasks around you have kept you moving, kept you busy, kept you tasking. Sometimes this has overwhelmed you. Sometimes it has been stressful. … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Allow Yourself to Be

Dear Older Self, Your 97 year old friend who said, “ I think I am learning to let go of pride, in order to get ready for heaven,” spoke with a clarity that startled you. For her, pride had been a form of defensiveness. It had been her attempt to stay in control by always being on the giving end of things and rarely on the receiving end. Her pride was her attempt to push away vulnerability by … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Be Open To Love

Dear Older Self, You may find yourself resisting the changes and growing vulnerabilities of aging because of fear. But you might also find yourself resisting because of feelings of shame. Shame is that belief that if people knew you fully, they would reject you. It is that feeling that you are less-than others. Or the sense that your needs make you look weak and unloveable. You know how shame … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Practice Humility