Dear Older Self, Remember the time you stood at the kitchen counter, grinding coffee beans as your mind whirled with the grinder? You were managing the care of an elderly widow and her needs were in a rapid state of change. Your mind was spinning, trying to anticipate what to do, when to do it, how to find the resources. But your mind came up blank. And the coffee turned out weak and … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Write fear inventory

Dear Older Self, Your body has been amazing. It has kept you going. It has put up with not always being treated kindly. You know, like times when you did not get enough sleep, times when you consumed too much sugar and other not-so-healthy things, times when you pushed and pushed yourself at work. All of this and still your body has carried on. It has been creaky and complain-y at times but it … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Seek input with medical choices

Dear Older Self, This note is somewhere up near the top of the top ten list of notes-I-did-not-want-to-write. I kind of don’t want others to read a word I am about to write. I hope you, being older and wiser, have a better attitude. Okay. Deep breath. So, you know your car key? That one special key that allows you to go where you want, when you want? I need to talk to you about it. I need … [Read more...] about Note to self: Practice safety

Dear Older Self, Your body, which has served you for a long time, is beginning to take leave of its senses. Literally. Hearing, smelling, tasting just are not what they used to be. You know what it is like to eat the over-salted food served by an aging parent. Or to have your ears ring after leaving the room where a television has been blaring so that an elderly loved one could hear it. And … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Invite feedback

Dear Older Self, I know you remember times when you offered help to elderly friends or family members who were truly in need of help, only to have your offer of help refused. You could see they needed more support than they were getting and you offered possible solutions but they were not willing to engage in conversation about their needs. Remember the older man who was leaving his wife … [Read more...] about Note to self: Accept help that is offered

Dear Older Self, I imagine that there are things that you have been accustomed to doing for yourself that you may no longer be able to do. This means, of course, that you will have to rely more and more on others. It also means that you will have to ask for help. If you can find ways to acknowledge your growing need for assistance and even embrace these changes with honesty and humility and … [Read more...] about Note to self: Ask for help directly

Dear Older Self, You have worked all of your adult life. You have worked to run your home, and you have worked as an employee and have been self employed. Much of your time has been structured by the demands of work in your life. Monday mornings meant rising to get children to school and going to your place of employment. Weekends meant rising to spend time with friends and family and to take … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Volunteer

Dear Older Self, You like your privacy. We all do. Whether it means dressing behind closed doors, going to the doctor alone, or being in charge of what you eat. These are matters of autonomy and privacy for most adults. But autonomy and privacy around your physical well being will change as you age. You will need to let go of some of the privacy you have taken for granted and begin to embrace … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Share health concerns

Dear Older Self, When you were a young adult you did not know how to receive. Instead of paying attention to your needs, you hid behind a life of constant giving. Staying busy helping others protected you from the vulnerability that comes with exposed needs. Giving to others was a way of guarding against disappointment, hurt and shame. Fortunately you have learned a lot about receiving over … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Learn to receive

Dear Older Self, You have been a doer. You have been a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a helping professional. Doing has been a big part of your identity. And, more specifically, it has been a big part of your identity to do for others. The many needs and tasks around you have kept you moving, kept you busy, kept you tasking. Sometimes this has overwhelmed you. Sometimes it has been stressful. … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Allow yourself to be