Dear Older Self, At the same time that you are preparing for your final good-bye you may also find yourself preparing to say “hello” to heaven. You may find yourself preparing to surrender yourself finally and fully into God’s loving care. I wish I could somehow midwife your dying. But how can I? I know nothing about death from personal experience. Perhaps the best I can do is to be like a … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Surrender to love

Dear Older Self, Death is the one inevitability. For all of us. There are no exceptions. Yet, we do not really believe it. We can’t take it in. How do we grasp such a radical change? We witness the death of those we know and feel bewildered. It is so surreal. Where did they go? How did they just disappear? How can they be gone? Death can seem so strange. And so frightening. It can feel so … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Prepare for your final farewell

Dear Older Self, I know that as you look back over your life you will remember times that were difficult. There were times when you felt devalued and unloved. There were also times when you talked or acted in ways that were unloving and dismissive of other people. When you remember times in which you failed to love and value other people, try not to turn away from them. This is part of your … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Affirm your true value

Dear Older Self, According to Erik Erikson, your current developmental task is to review your life. The reason for a life review is to help you to tell your story—to see its themes, to acknowledge losses, to make note of the many gifts and the abundance of grace, to understand more fully the narrative of your life and to give thanks. You have lived many years through many seasons. There have … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Review your life

Dear Older Self, I don’t really want to write this note. I have felt this way about other notes. But this one feels like the most difficult note of all to write. You have already said final good-byes to your parents and to a few friends. Unless you happen to die before everyone you love, you will be saying good-bye to other people who are near and dear to you: siblings, spouse, closest … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Make room for grief

Dear Older Self, One of the best gifts you can give is to listen well. By listening well I mean several things. To listen well is to listen without judgement. To listen well is to listen with the intention of knowing and understanding someone more fully. To listen well is to empathize with their sorrow, their joy, their playfulness, their silences. Listening may seem easy. But it is not. It … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Listen well

Dear Older Self, “What is the next generation coming to?” “In my day we would never have done these things.” You have heard several elderly people make such comments. You have listened as older people have commented about the younger generation in negative ways, criticizing rather than blessing a younger generation that needed to be affirmed and encouraged. I know you remember what it is … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Affirm others

Dear Older Self, I want you to find ways to practice letting go of self-centeredness so that you can see beyond your own needs to the needs of others. You know what I mean by self-centeredness. It is a narrow focus that makes you blind to other people. It is that constriction in your mind and heart that can lead to self pity or to feelings of entitlement. It is the tendency to grasp and … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Let go of self-centeredness

Dear Older Self, Just as you may be carrying burdens of bitterness, you may carry burdens of unresolved guilt for harm you have caused other people. As difficult as it is to face the harm that others have done to you, it can be even more difficult to face your own culpability. I know that you know many stories about people who have made amends in the last stages of their lives. I think about … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Make amends

Dear Older Self, As you move into your later years it is possible that you will find yourself living with bitterness toward people who have hurt you in the past. You may be carrying burdens that are the result of not being able or willing to forgive. You may have tried to forgive those who have harmed you only to find yourself ruminating about old grievances. As a result, your heart may have … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Learn forgiveness