Dear Older Self, You like your privacy. We all do. Whether it means dressing behind closed doors, going to the doctor alone, or being in charge of what you eat. These are matters of autonomy and privacy for most adults. But autonomy and privacy around your physical well being will change as you age. You will need to let go of some of the privacy you have taken for granted and begin to embrace … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Share health concerns

Dear Older Self, When you were a young adult you did not know how to receive. Instead of paying attention to your needs, you hid behind a life of constant giving. Staying busy helping others protected you from the vulnerability that comes with exposed needs. Giving to others was a way of guarding against disappointment, hurt and shame. Fortunately you have learned a lot about receiving over … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Learn to receive

Dear Older Self, You have been a doer. You have been a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a helping professional. Doing has been a big part of your identity. And, more specifically, it has been a big part of your identity to do for others. The many needs and tasks around you have kept you moving, kept you busy, kept you tasking. Sometimes this has overwhelmed you. Sometimes it has been stressful. … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Allow yourself to be

Dear Older Self, When you turned fifty five, you exclaimed at your family birthday party, “I love being 55!” One family member, 30 years younger than you, gasped in surprise, “You do? Really?” You did love being 55. You loved being 55 because you could look back and see so much grace. You loved it because of the hard won wisdom you had gained. You looked back and saw the healing that had … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Accept old age

Dear Older Self, Your 97 year old friend who said, “ I think I am learning to let go of pride, in order to get ready for heaven,” spoke with a clarity that startled you. For her, pride had been a form of defensiveness. It had been her attempt to stay in control by always being on the giving end of things and rarely on the receiving end. Her pride was her attempt to push away vulnerability by … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Be open to love

Dear Older Self, You may find yourself resisting the changes and growing vulnerabilities of aging because of fear. But you might also find yourself resisting because of feelings of shame. Shame is that belief that if people knew you fully, they would reject you. It is that feeling that you are less-than others. Or the sense that your needs make you look weak and unloveable. You know how … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Practice humility

Dear Older Self, You have lived long enough to know that life does not always meet your expectations. Sometimes it exceeds your expectations. And sometimes it falls short. Sometimes, it falls very short. When your expectations are exceeded in some way, it is good to be grateful. The problem usually comes when expectations are not met. If you are unable to let go of unmet expectations and … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Embrace what is

Dear Older Self, People close to you told you when you were in your twenties that you were overly serious. But, over the years, you have learned to not take everything so seriously. You have embraced laughter. As you grow older you will need to continue to let go of being too serious. You will need to continue to grow in your ability to laugh. What a delightful assignment this could be! It … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Learn to Laugh

Dear Older Self, I know that you will experience growing limitations as you get older. I know because it is already happening. Your energy and strength are not what they once were. For example, you once worked full weeks at work while keeping up with a busy schedule with family and other activities. But recently you have needed to cut back at work. You once jogged several miles several … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Live With New Limits

We began writing Notes to Our Older Selves when we were in our fifties. We were in that season of life when it is common to watch parents and elderly friends grow older and become more dependent. We knew that we were soon to follow. As we worked to support those in the generation ahead of us, we were in a position to observe moments of grace and moments of gracelessness. After difficult encounters … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Introduction