I will remove from them their hearts of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 11:19 When I was diagnosed with cancer I felt fear, but I was not clear about what frightened me. So I prayed for clarity: “God, I know that I am afraid. But what am I most afraid of? Please show me.” Vulnerability was the word that came as a response to this prayer. Being vulnerable was what frightened … [Read more...]

Let us not become weary in doing good. Galatians 6:9 Sometimes life is mostly about showing up. And sometimes that is not easy to do. My experience with cancer, much like my experience of healing from childhood trauma, was a long series of needing to show up. Showing up to take care of cancer means showing up for doctor’s appointments, tests and surgeries. In addition to these events, I was … [Read more...]

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning the shame. Hebrews 12:2 Shame is that terrible, private feeling that something is wrong with us—that we are somehow defective as a person. That we are irreparably damaged. That if anyone really knew what we were like we would be rejected. A part of the experience … [Read more...]

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is an offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:25-26 Difficulties in life bring out the best in us. And the worst. This was certainly true of my experience with cancer. I prayed and practiced surrender and took in the love and support of others and of God. And I was resentful … [Read more...]

Just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. II Corinthians 1:7 A diagnosis of cancer can have a way of immediately drawing a person into a place of fear. Fear for one’s life, fear for one’s health and well being, fear of loss of control and fear of the unknown may all surface. All this fear left me rather self-focused. A very big event is suddenly taking place in … [Read more...]

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Galatians 5:22 The first responses I received when I told people about being diagnosed with cancer were usually responses of shock and compassion. I felt tenderness from most people. And I was soothed by that tenderness. Within days, however, I wrote in my journal … [Read more...]

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4: 6, 7 A few weeks after I was diagnosed with cancer, a music CD arrived in the mail from a friend. Several years earlier this … [Read more...]

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:8 When we are faced with difficulties in life, we need support from friends and family. We also need God’s help. Perhaps the most direct way to open ourselves to God is through prayer. Prayer can be many things. Prayer does not need to be long or complicated. When we are afraid or … [Read more...]

Two are better than one, because they have good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10 On the evening of September 11, 2001 my husband and I watched Gwen Ifill of PBS interview Mr. Rogers. Gwen was asking Mr. Rogers to give people advice about how to talk with their children about what had just happened. That day we had watched images … [Read more...]

Whoever humbles himself like this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:4 After I was diagnosed with cancer I felt everything. I felt fear. I felt shock. I felt grief. I felt shame. I felt numbness. I felt resentment. I felt jealousy. I felt anger. I felt gratitude. I felt peace. These feelings seemed to come and go of their own volition. Sometimes the … [Read more...]