Dear Older Self, I know that as you look back over your life you will remember times that were difficult. There were times when you felt devalued and unloved. There were also times when you talked or acted in ways that were unloving and dismissive of other people. When you remember times in which you failed to love and value other people, try not to turn away from them. This is part of your … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Affirm Your True Value

Dear Older Self, As you move into your later years it is possible that you will find yourself living with bitterness toward people who have hurt you in the past. You may be carrying burdens that are the result of not being able or willing to forgive. You may have tried to forgive those who have harmed you only to find yourself ruminating about old grievances. As a result, your heart may have … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Learn Forgiveness

Dear Older Self, Just as you may be carrying burdens of bitterness, you may carry burdens of unresolved guilt for harm you have caused other people. As difficult as it is to face the harm that others have done to you, it can be even more difficult to face your own culpability. I know that you know many stories about people who have made amends in the last stages of their lives. I think about the … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Make Amends

Dear Older Self, Beware of your resentments. They are like poisonous weeds that are dangerous to your health and well being. Remember the suffering created by the resentments of an elderly woman you knew? She resented her husband’s loss of cognitive and motor skills. She often became verbally abusive of him. She would shame him for his failing memory and decreased abilities adding greatly to … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Take Inventory of Resentments

Dear Older Self, Codependency is a term that was originally coined to describe the dynamics that can play out in the lives of people who are in relationship with an addict or an alcoholic. Spouses, children, siblings and parents often think that they are responsible to control or change their addicted loved-one. This belief can, unfortunately, lead to increased suffering and destruction in … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Entrust Others to God’s Care

Dear Older Self, Author and blogger, Glennon Doyle Melton coined a word to capture the experience of life. She calls life “brutiful”. It is brutal. And it is beautiful. So, life is brutiful. Life is never just one or the other. There is so much that is hard about life. And so much that is blessed. For some of us it is too easy to get lost in the parts of life that are difficult. It is easy to … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Practice Gratitude

Dear Older Self, One of life’s great lessons is that much of life is not in your control. It has been critical to your spiritual and mental health and to the well being of your relationships to keep returning to the simple truth that you are not in charge of the universe or of other people. You are not in charge of much of anything. As you continue to age, you will be living more than ever with … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Entrust Yourself to God’s Care

Dear Older Self, Dear Older Self, We have been exploring the possibility that the most difficult anxiety of all may be the fear of being abandoned by others and by God. You may find yourself feeling like you have been forgotten even by God. These fears of abandonment may come from the thought that that as you decline in strength that you will also decline in value. This fear may be one of the … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Meditate on God’s Presence with You

Dear Older Self, On September 11, 2001 after the twin towers had fallen and the pentagon had taken a direct hit you listened to an interview on the evening news with Mr. Rogers. The question that was put to him was this: “When terrible, scary things happen, what do we tell our children?” Mr. Rogers’ response was, “We should ask our children if they noticed all the helpers. “ Often when we find … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Remember God’s Help in the Past

Dear Older Self, Remember the time you stood at the kitchen counter, grinding coffee beans as your mind whirled with the grinder? You were managing the care of an elderly widow and her needs were in a rapid state of change. Your mind was spinning, trying to anticipate what to do, when to do it, how to find the resources. But your mind came up blank. And the coffee turned out weak and … [Read more...] about Notes to Our Older Selves: Write Fear Inventory