Agnostic

I feel as if
I do not know you
anymore.
I am agnostic.

In this place
of not knowing,
I sit and wait,
wondering
if you really are,
and if all I ever dared
hope about you
and your love
can possibly be true.

You claim
to show yourself
to people like me.
All I can do is look for you
and wait for you.

But how long?
How long?

——

How long, O Lord?
Will your forget
me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
Psalm 13:1-2

from Heaven at My Door by Juanita Ryan