Dear Older Self, I imagine that there are things that you have been accustomed to doing for yourself that you may no longer be able to do. This means, of course, that you will have to rely more and more on others. It also means that you will have to ask for help. If you can find ways to acknowledge your growing need for assistance and even embrace these changes with honesty and humility and … [Read more...] about Note to self: Ask for help directly

Dear Older Self, You have worked all of your adult life. You have worked to run your home, and you have worked as an employee and have been self employed. Much of your time has been structured by the demands of work in your life. Monday mornings meant rising to get children to school and going to your place of employment. Weekends meant rising to spend time with friends and family and to take … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Volunteer

Dear Older Self, You like your privacy. We all do. Whether it means dressing behind closed doors, going to the doctor alone, or being in charge of what you eat. These are matters of autonomy and privacy for most adults. But autonomy and privacy around your physical well being will change as you age. You will need to let go of some of the privacy you have taken for granted and begin to embrace … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Share health concerns

Dear Older Self, When you were a young adult you did not know how to receive. Instead of paying attention to your needs, you hid behind a life of constant giving. Staying busy helping others protected you from the vulnerability that comes with exposed needs. Giving to others was a way of guarding against disappointment, hurt and shame. Fortunately you have learned a lot about receiving over … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Learn to receive

Dear Older Self, You have been a doer. You have been a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a helping professional. Doing has been a big part of your identity. And, more specifically, it has been a big part of your identity to do for others. The many needs and tasks around you have kept you moving, kept you busy, kept you tasking. Sometimes this has overwhelmed you. Sometimes it has been stressful. … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Allow yourself to be

Dear Older Self, When you turned fifty five, you exclaimed at your family birthday party, “I love being 55!” One family member, 30 years younger than you, gasped in surprise, “You do? Really?” You did love being 55. You loved being 55 because you could look back and see so much grace. You loved it because of the hard won wisdom you had gained. You looked back and saw the healing that had … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Accept old age

Dear Older Self, Your 97 year old friend who said, “ I think I am learning to let go of pride, in order to get ready for heaven,” spoke with a clarity that startled you. For her, pride had been a form of defensiveness. It had been her attempt to stay in control by always being on the giving end of things and rarely on the receiving end. Her pride was her attempt to push away vulnerability by … [Read more...] about Note to Self: Be open to love